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Laurie Didn’t Know What to Expect During Her Cameo in a Leonardo DiCaprio Movie *Leonardo DiCaprio Fan Fic*

by Maryann Pisano on November 3, 2015


I couldn’t believe how warm it was outside — way too warm for November.  It was sunny and 70 degrees, which was unheard of in Chicago.

“How are you doing?”  Devon came over to me with his headset on.

“Fine, I guess,” I replied.

“Good.  Now remember, you’re going to say, Do you need help, sir?  Very simple,” he said.

“Dev, I got it!” I shouted.  Devon was driving in me insane.  I still couldn’t believe I was doing this.  Last night, my producer brother Devon asked me to have a cameo the movie Help Me directed by the very famous Donald Farmer, starring the one and only Leonardo DiCaprio.  Some C list actress got the flu at the last-minute, and Devon called me to fill in.  Of course Hollywood producers don’t care if you have to take off a day of work to make $100 saying, do you need help sir? to none other than Leonardo DiCaprio.

I would be portraying a barista at a coffee shop.  According to Devon, Mr. DiCaprio would come up to me, pretending to be looking for somebody. After I asked him my one stupid line, he would “bump” into actress Claudia Carlucci, his long-lost love.  They would have their monologue, with me in the background.  The set only included the crew, myself, and Leonardo and Claudia at an outside Chicago coffee shop.

“Is the coffee too hot?” Devon asked.  “Keep drinking.  You’re supposed to be a barista, on a break.  Look like you’re a relaxed barista on a break.”

“Yes, Devon!” I said again.

“Okay, I owe you, sis,” Devon smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

“When are we going to get going?” I asked.

“As soon as Leonardo and Claudia are done with hair and makeup.”

I nodded my head and went back to my coffee.  I was really proud of Devon, despite acting annoyed with him.  After college, he moved out to L.A. and began working unpaid internship after unpaid internship.  He networked.  He spent countless hours on social media.  He mingled and went to parties that he didn’t want to go to.  Now, he’s a big producer for several big films.  I never really get to see him now that he lives in L.A., but I try to go out there to visit as much as possible.

“Laur, they’re coming out now,” Devon said to me, pointing to the trailers right next to the coffee shop.  Out walked Claudia Carlucci and  Leonardo DiCaprio. He was laughing and whispering in Claudia’s ear.  Claudia was an Italian born model, who moved to the United States to begin her acting career.  It didn’t take long, because two years in the states she’s already the star of a film with Leo and Donald Farmer as the director.

If I had to pick one woman to represent the United States to aliens on Mars, I would pick Claudia Carlucci.  She was tall and fantastically thin, the supermodel kind of thin.  She had a beautiful smile, and thick, black hair that shined in the sunlight.  Her lips were painted pink like a piece of frosted birthday cake, and her eyes were large like a porcelain doll.

As I turned my eyes away from Claudia, they found Leonardo.  Leonardo used to be my fourth grade crush, right after Romeo and Juliet and Titanic was in its prime.  Even though he was 40- years- old, he still possessed that sexiness that only a leading man in Hollywood had.  He wore a pressed Chanel suit, with his blondish hair slicked back.

“All right, let’s get this thing going!” Devon yelled.  The crew scrambled about, making sure that everything was perfect before they started shooting.

“Mr. DiCaprio, this is my sister Laurie,” Devon said to Leonardo, who walked towards where I was sitting.  Suddenly, I was all too aware I was wearing a stupid green dress and white apron to fit the role of playing a “barista.”

“Hi Laurie,” he smiled and nodded his head.

“Hi,” I said.

“Now, you’re going to run up to Laurie and she’s going to say to you…”

“She’s going to say, Do you need help, sir?” laughed Leonardo.  “I know, Devon.  I’ve read the script several times.  And then after Laurie says that, Claudia comes up to me, and we say our monologue.  Got it, Dev.”

“Okay.  Do you need anything Mr. DiCaprio before we start shooting?  A towel?  A refreshment?  Some hot tea?”

“No, no, I’m good Dev,” he said.

Donald Farmer walked out onto the set.  Donald was a man in his sixties with a large stomach and white hair.

“All right, everybody.  Time is money.  Let’s get this thing rolling.  Places everyone!”

I looked down at my coffee cup and began to sip my coffee.  Devon gave me a newspaper to read, to make it look like I was really on a break.

“Lights, camera, action!”  Donald yelled.

Leonardo ran up to me and looked sad and confused.

Do you need help, sir?” I asked, just like I was supposed to.

As on cue, Claudia came up from behind Leonardo.  She tossed her fantastic hair behind her shoulder, and began her monologue.  At the end of it, I was in tears and Leonardo’s lips were all over Claudia’s, and his fingers were tangled in her hair.

“Cut!”  Donald shouted.  “Let’s do it again!”

“Again?” I asked Devon, who refilled my coffee cup.

“Yes, Laur, again.  We’re going to be doing this all day.”

“But they were perfect,” I argued.

“Perfect?  Leonardo stumbled on some words and Claudia didn’t kiss him as hard as we wanted.  What’s perfect when $500 million is on the line?  Here’s cream.”  He handed me a handful of creams.  “Hope you like coffee, because you’ll be drinking it for a long time.”

“Devon, I am going to wring your neck!”

“Love you, sis!”  Devon stuck his tongue out at me before Donald began to scream lights, camera, action.  

Like clockwork, Leonardo ran up to me and I said what I was supposed to say.  Claudia flipped her hair, and they said their monologue again.  And again.  And again.  We did the scene at least 50 times.  My heart was pounding from all the coffee.

“Let’s take a break for lunch!” Donald screamed.


“Lunch is in the back,” Devon said to me.

“Are you going to eat with me?”

“Can’t.  Time is money.  I have to work during my lunch.”  With that, Devon began talking to Donald.

Thank God I brought my MacBook with me.  At least I wouldn’t fall too far behind at work.  I walked to the back of the filming area, which had a full buffet of food.  I filled up my plate with chicken, broccoli, and mashed potatoes, and a carrot cake for dessert.  At least the food was worth all of these endless hours.

I sat down at a table by myself.  As I began to eat, I opened up my computer and began to type.

“What are you typing?”

I jumped and looked behind me.  Leonardo’s blue eyes met mine.

“I’m a reporter,” I mumbled.

“A reporter?” his eyes got wide.  “Do you mind if I eat lunch with you?”

“Uh, sure…” my voice broke.  Would I mind if he ate lunch me?  Is he joking?

“So, who do you write for?” he asked, digging into his salad.  With the delicious lunch spread, I couldn’t believe he was eating a small salad without dressing.

“I write book reviews for a magazine called Bellezza,” I explained.  I put my head down and took another small bite of my food.  Leonardo continued to munch on his salad.

“Book reviews, huh?  So you like to read?”

“Yeah, you can say that.  I read books and write about them for a living,” I said.

“I like to read, too,” he replied.  “I like the classics.”

“Have you read Romeo and Juliet?” I laughed.

“Please, I lived it,” he smiled.

I looked at the blinking screen on my laptop.  I shut it.

“So your name is Laurie?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“Tell me about yourself?”

“I’m from the northwest suburbs.  I’m 27 years old.  I’m a reporter.  Um…” I didn’t really know what else to say.  What do you say to Leonardo DiCaprio who’s lived so many lives?  This guy has been in the biggest movies of our time, and is one of the most sought after actors in the world.  Anything I say to him probably sounds boring.

“When did you know you wanted to be a writer?” he asked.  He put down his salad and peered at me.  I had his full attention.

“Um,” I cleared my throat.  “I’ve always loved to read and write.  Ever since I was a little girl.  When did you know you wanted to be an actor?”

Leo smiled.  His eyes were bright and beautiful.

“I don’t know.  I was a child actor.  It was just something that I liked to do when I was little, and I just kept up with it.”

“You realize that you’re extremely talented,” I said.  “Seriously.  You’re like the best actor our century has ever seen…”

“Okay, Laurie,” Leonardo laughed.  “I hate hearing about how I’m talented.  No more talking about acting.  I want to talk about you.”  His voice cut into me.  “What books have you currently read that you’ve reviewed?  I need some reading material for my European flight next week.”

“Uh…” I racked my brain.  “Try Eleanor and Park.  It’s adorable.  It’s a love story, but not a clique love story.  It’s just so cute.”

“What’s it about?”

“It’s about a young guy and girl.  They meet on their school bus, and…”

“Okay, let’s get going, people!” Donald Farmer yelled from behind us.

“Damn it,” Leonardo cursed.  “I want to hear about this book.  Can you tell me about it another time?”

“Um, sure,” I finally said.  I gobbled down the rest of my food.  “Anytime, Leonardo.”

“Call me Leo.  Let me take your food.”  Leo took my empty plate and his salad and threw it away at the nearest garbage can.  Leonardo and I walked next to each other as we went back to our places.  We continued to shoot our scene over and over again, for about another 50 takes.

Darkness began to creep through the sky by the time we were finished.  Even though I wasn’t acting, I was mentally and physically exhausted.  It was draining repeating and doing the same thing over and over again.  I had drunk about 20 cups of coffee.

“I’m going to my trailer,” Claudia announced to the crew when we were finally finished.  Even after shooting or 10 hours, she still looked like a knock out.  How the hell did she do it?

Just as I was about to get up to leave, I looked over my shoulder at Leonardo.  His eyes met mine, and he began to walk towards me.

“Leonardo!” Donald cut him off.  “We need to talk about our next scene, please.”

Leonardo turned around, and glanced at me one last time.  With that, I decided I should leave.


“How was it?”  Maddie asked as I took a bite of pizza at my desk.

“It was, fine.”

“Just fine?!”  Maddie was a recent college graduate, and was Bellezza’s fashion and beauty columnist.  She was always fashionable and her nails and lips were always painted red.

“I mean, it was fun,” I said.  “It was a long day.  They served us a delicious lunch.”

“Who the hell cares about the food!” said Chad, our fabulous shoe columnist.  “Tell me about Leonardo DiCaprio!  What was he wearing?  How did he smell?  Was he flirty with Claudia?”  Chad’s eyes were wide.  “I think my first sexual awakening was the car scene in Titanic.”  

I laughed.  “Leo was very nice,” I said.

“Nice?” Maddie exclaimed.  “Give us details!  You talked to him?!”

“I had lunch with him.”

“You had lunch with him?!”  Maddie grabbed me by the shoulders and began shaking me.  “How did you come into this office and not tell us that you had lunch with freakin’ LEONARDO DICAPRIO?!”

Chad was jumping up and down.  “What did you talk about?”


“Oh, Laurie,” Chad sighed.  “You get a lunch with Leonardo DiCaprio and you talked about freakin’ books?”

Maddie put her head in her hands.

“What are we going to do, Chad?”  she smiled.

I took another bite of my pizza.

“He likes to read,” I said chewing my food.

“He also likes to bang models.  Did you talk about that, too?” Chad asked.

“Shut up,” I grinned, playfully punching Chad in the arm.

I went back to writing my newest book review.

“Letter for Ms. DiStasio,” said our mailman Eric, walking into the room.  He handed me a tiny gold envelope.

“Who’s it from?” I asked.

“How should I know?”

I looked at the envelope.  It read:

Laurie DiStasio

Bellezza Magazine

433 Homer Street

Chicago, IL

I tore open the envelope.  Inside was a piece of parchment with fancy cursive writing.


I really enjoyed talking with you yesterday.  I really want to find out about that book we started talking about.  Would you join me for dinner tomorrow night?  Call the number on the bottom and let me know.  



“Who’s that from?”  Maddie peered over my shoulder.  She snatched the letter out of my hands.
“Oh my God,” she said.  “Oh my God.  Oh my God.  Oh my God!  CHAD!”  Maddie literally screamed.

Chad ran over and looked at the letter.

“Holy crap!  LAURIE!”  Maddie handed the letter back to me.

“Laurie, do you realize what this is?  You’re going on a date with LEONARDO DICAPRIO!”

“No, I’m not.  He just wants to know about the book,” I said, trying to convince myself.

Chad shook his head.  “Geez, Laurie.  You’re the luckiest girl in America.”

I looked at the letter again.  Was this really happening?

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