Emme: How was your Christmas?
Josh: It was good! I was with friends in Chicago.
Did you grow up in Chicago?
I grew up in Urbana-Champaign, which is a couple hours south of Chicago. I graduated from University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, and I moved to Chicago to attend Chicago-Kent College of Law. I lived in Chicago for about 10 years, and now I’m in between Chicago and Urbana-Champaign.
The last time we spoke was in 2015 and you had just gotten off Kaitlyn Bristowe’s season! Catch me up on your life.
After The Bachelorette, I was dancing at Bevy Nightclub and a few other places in the River North area. I was hoping to be a member of Men of the Strip, but it never materialized. However, we did go on a Midwest tour.
Tell me about your OnlyFans.
I’ve been in the top 1-8 percent of creators on OnlyFans.
I think I’ve been successful because I haven’t posted any nude photos. A mentor told me that naked photos just leak onto the internet and then people won’t sign up for your OnlyFans. I took that to heart.
You have a nice body!
Thank you! It’s tough. The older I get, the more insecure I am. I must work harder to stay in shape and my hair is going grey.
What kind of content do you share on Instagram when it comes to mental health awareness?
I started sharing my personal experiences with mental health on Instagram. I started out by making posts about depression, anxiety and OCD, which I struggle with.
Describe your struggles with mental health.
From about the age of 15, I had acute onset depression. I was homeschooled my whole life. My parents were very religious. I’m sure some of the stress of the religious ideology probably played a role in my anxiety once I hit my teenage years. I really wanted to go to public school and date, but I wasn’t allowed. I started seeing a therapist when I was 15. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, along with generalized anxiety disorder. I also have OCD without the rituals. I have been seeing a therapist since I was 15 and I have been on medication. It has been a 20-year journey. But, through medication and cognitive behavior therapy, I have found some success in managing it. That’s why I have turned my Instagram page as a platform to help other people.
How did you manage your anxiety when going on The Bachelorette? Those are some very stressful situations!
I had to come across as a confident guy! However, I had crippling anxiety. I was in the hotel room before-hand feeling nauseous. I had my Xanax with me, and I had to talk to my therapist earlier in the week. It was difficult, but I’ve always tried to not let my mental health issues get in the way of my life. I’ve always seen it as a challenge. It was very difficult to be a male dancer when dealing with mental health issues. You’re supposed to be smiling and having a good time, but internally you’re not feeling any of those things.
It must’ve made you anxious when the show was airing, as well.
Yes, but you must have thick skin. I’ve learned to take it all with a grain of salt.
You’re a Suicide Attempt Survivor. Do you feel comfortable talking about that?
Yes. I had attempted suicide when I was a teenager. I put a rope in our garage, and I stuck my head through it. I was going to do it, but I didn’t do it. My depression manifested with overwhelming feeling of numbness. I felt dead to the world, and I felt like a ghost. I had another major breakdown my senior year at U of I. I was admitted to the local psychiatric hospital because I was having a psychotic break. I was in an in-patient psychiatric facility after that. I’ve survived two suicide attempts, and I’ve been vocal about them. There’s so much shame when it comes to mental health, and I want people to know that they’re not alone.
You are incredibly strong!
I feel bad because I have not pursued a career in law. I obviously went to law school, but I haven’t taken the bar. I haven’t pursued some things I’ve wanted to do because my anxiety and mental health issues have stopped from me from doing those things. Being an attorney is a very stressful job. I try to keep my stress low and working hours low. I try to keep a healthy work/life balance. An attorney’s schedule doesn’t allow that! Otherwise, I’ve been functional despite the issues that I deal with.
Have you been on 90 Day Fiancé?
No, but I’ve dated some people who were on the show. I met Yolanda in Vegas. We dated for a few months. Then, I started dating Lizzie Kommes from Love After Lockup. I also dated Karine from 90 Day Fiancé. We just broke up in December.
You must have a thing for reality stars!
That’s what everyone says! Sometimes I get negative comments. Like I said earlier, I must have thick skin.
What do you like to do for fun?
I spend a lot of time trying to stay physically active like going for walks, running, and going to the gym. With having an OnlyFans, I can make my own schedule and work remotely. I can plan times to see my family and friends. I can travel when I want to. I’m currently writing a novel. I try to add a lot of structure to my day. I help take care of my mom because my dad passed away last year. I also love to read.
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